Hallowe'en blarg post

I figure I should update this thing. It's been over a month. I'm sitting behind a desk, watching the detritus of 2am filter across the world. I've been especially idle of late, my perpetuity sagging heavily across my back like the legendary stone of Sisyphus. That's a little grand maybe. Living in a new place distracts me in a good way I suppose. Having work does, for certain. But as comfort and familiarity set it, so do the old ghosts begin to stir. New phantoms and old. At least I'm not considering suicide anymore.

It's an impossible thing to relate; building up a structure so high and finding out you've built the wrong thing. You can still live in it, for a given value of living, but you'll always know, for your ignorance or arrogance, that you'd lost your future from the outset. If you hadn't built it so well you could start over. But those walls are strong and that foundation is thick, and all the lessons in construction came from the thing anyway. Hindsight is a motherfucker. So you live, or try, in that tower by yourself, sitting outside in the sleet because you can't bear the solace of a roof built in error. Maybe you are punishing yourself, but more likely you are just a coward. Maybe it's time to go back inside. You're by yourself either way, but at least in there you can stay dry.

Anyway, here's a drawing.



When I can't get my hands or brains to move the way I want them to, I always draw something mechanical. It doesn't help, but it sometimes works.